I love addicts!

I am a bit embarrassed that I have neglected this blog for so long. I am grateful, however, that many have found it, and contributed such wonderful input.

First of all, I am, indeed, still clean and sober. I am still in individual and group therapy, so my mental health is being attended to; and I find that opportunities to “give back” arise even outside the rooms of AA. I regularly offer support to many people who both attend and don’t attend meetings for their particular addictions. It almost seems that my staying away has created a singular opportunity for me to be of service to those who may never find it in themselves to walk through the doors. Though, I most certainly encourage them to do so.

I am so impressed with the diversity of comments to my posts. I truly love recovering addicts! They are so very real. By the way, I use the term “addict” to describe anyone with the disease of addiction, be it alcohol, drugs, food, sex, etc. Because, ultimately, we are all the same: same problem, different drug of choice.

James, you are so right, we do need to go outside of the rooms for the other things in our lives. Thank you for pointing out that the book encourages us to do so!

Kristy, keep up the good fight and come back and check in on us occasionally, please!

Sandy, I love your message. That is it in a nutshell! We need to be true to ourselves, not acting as though we have the answers to anyone else’s problems. I found in my last days of attending meetings that all I was doing was rebutting the “sick” messages I was hearing from those “gurus.” And, frankly, that is one thing that does still grate at me, is that I am not in a chair still doing that. Jean, you hit on this message, too. I cry each time I hear of another addict suicide; and it especially infuriates me when it is because they could not get what they needed from meetings.

Thank you, Vincent; but I like to think this is more thought out than just being able to “call the shots.” Like all addicts, I am self-centered and selfish, and want nothing more than to be the director, producer, and actor of my play called life (as the big book talks about). One of the most important lessons that the program taught me was that the control was just an illusion. That when I made it about something bigger than myself, I was able to learn to let go and believe that it will all work out the way it is supposed to. Not that I am disagreeing with your decision to “fire” sponsors who do not have what you want - that is such an important message: that not all people in those rooms are healthy. Ian hits on this point perfectly, that “some of us are sicker than others.” The trick is to know the difference.

Cal, you certainly hit on a particularly touchy subject for many people - that idea of religion verses spirituality. More important, however, is the point you make about many of the steps going against your personal beliefs. As “enlightened” beings, we really should value and respect everyone’s personal beliefs - not just the ones that conveniently agree with our own. I used to say (before I got sober) that I was open minded to anything I agreed with. Hmm, closed minded, indeed. It is meant to be a program of honesty, like you say, and if doing the steps felt dishonest to you, than you probably made the right choice. However, I cannot stress enough how I would not encourage anyone with less than 5 years to stay away from meetings. Maybe there is an agnostic meeting near you?

Cypress, I found myself in a lot of grief when I made the decision to stop attending meetings. After all, AA has been a loyal friend to you for a very long time. I hope you are getting support elsewhere - like group therapy or something. There are other ways for us to connect to people out there, and isolation is a dangerous thing for us.

Thank you all for your comments. It is important to me to stay connected with other addicts on some level. I still need you guys! I am hoping to be better about approving comments and posting; but if I am not, I give you permission to call me on it straight away!

Peace & Love,

Dee